Hogwarts Online
by Lord Voldemort For President
Summary: Harry, Hermione and Ron discover the joys of the Internet on... Hogwarts Online! New chapter up R&R. :
1. Chapter 1

**Hogwarts Online**

**Potter Stinks Chat Room**

_gryffindor4eva has entered the room._

**malfoyjunior:** Hey look, it's Potty.

**gryffindor4eva:** You shouldn't create a chat room like this about me, you could be banned from the Hogwarts site!

**pansyanddraco:** HEHEHEHE ITS POTTY! DRACO UR FUNNY!1!111

**crabbeandgoyle: **snigger snigger snigger

_bookworm260 has entered the room._

_crookshanks005 has entered the room._

**malfoyjunior:** Wow, this chat room is LOSER-FEST. It's Mudblood Granger and Potty Potter!

**crabbeandgoyle: **yeah, snigger snigger snigger

**gryffindor4eva:** You shut up about Hermione, Malfoy.

**bookworm260: **It's okay Harry, they're just idiots.

**crookshanks005: **Hiss! Hiss!

_redheadgocannons has entered the room._

**redheadgocannons: **hi harry! hi herminey!

**malfoyjunior: **Oh joy, Weasel has arrived.

**pansyanddraco: **LOL!11!

_malfoysenior has entered the room._

**crookshanks005: **Hiss! Hiss!

_pansyanddraco has left the room._

**malfoysenior: **Now, now, Draco, play nicely…

**malfoyjunior: **Hello father.

**crabbeandgoyle: **hi mr Malfoy.

**malfoysenior: **Draco, you really shouldn't be on a Potter hate site. Visit one that is more… appropriate.

**malfoyjunior: **But DAD…

**malfoysenior: **No buts. Come Draco, we're leaving.

**malfoyjunior: **Okay… but Dad, how come YOU were on a Potter hate site?

**malfoysenior: **Never mind.

_malfoysenior has left the room._

_malfoyjunior has left the room._

**redheadgocannons: **thank merline they left!

**bookworm260: **Yes, your feelings appear to be unanimous. Except, perhaps, for Crabbe and Goyle.

**redheadgocannons: **wat does unanimos mean?

**crabbeandgoyle: **snigger snigger snigger

**crookshanks005: **Hiss! Hiss!

**gryffindor4eva: **"Unanimous" means that everyone agrees. Let's get out of here anyway. This is boring.

_redheadgocannons has left the room._

_gryffindor4eva has left the room._

_bookworm260 has left the room._

_crookshanks005 has left the room._

_pansyanddraco has entered the room._

**pansyanddraco: **where did draco go!111/

**crabbeandgoyle: **snigger snigger snigger

**Quidditch Chat**

_redheadgocannons has entered the room._

_gryffindor4eva has entered the room._

_bookworm260 has entered the room._

_crookshanks005 has entered the room._

**malfoyjunior: **Slytherin rules!

**captainwood: **Our team is better.

**captainflint: **ur seeker sux. Our seeker is tha best! YEAH GO SLYTHERIN

**crookshanks005: **Hiss! Hiss!

**captainwood: **Hi Potter! You're just in time; the Slytherins are ganging up on me.

**malfoyjunior: **Quit following me, Mudblood! You too, Potty and Weasel.

**crookshanks005: **Hiss! Hiss!

**redheadgocannons: **shut up, ferret boy! Herminey will sock u one!

**bookworm260: **Ron, you're not helping.

**gryffindor4eva: **Draco, we're not following you. We just want to chat about Quidditch!

**malfoyjunior: **Wanna talk about Quidditch, eh? Slytherin kicks your a!

**profmcgonagall (Moderator): **Ten points from Slytherin, Mr Malfoy, for foul language. Another cuss word and you will be banned.

**malfoyjunior: **:glares:

_pansyanddraco has entered the room._

**pansyanddraco: **hi draco::mwah mwah:

**malfoyjunior: **Yuk, cooties.

_malfoyjunior has left the room._

**pansyanddraco: **:cries:

_pansyanddraco has left the room._

_redheadgocannons has left the room._

_gryffindor4eva has left the room._

_bookworm260 has left the room._

_crookshanks005 has left the room._

**Death Eaters Evil Plans Chat**

**bellatrix101: **And then we all blow Potter's brains out!

**malfoysenior: **:applauds:

**lordvoldy: **Very good, Miss Lestrange.

_redheadgocannons has entered the room._

_gryffindor4eva has entered the room._

_bookworm260 has entered the room._

_crookshanks005 has entered the room._

**crookshanks005: **Hiss! Hiss!

**gryffindor4eva: **Malfoy, what are you doing in here? I thought you were a reformed Death Eater?

**malfoysenior: **Gaah, Potter! I'm not a Death Eater! I went in here by accident! I was under the Imperius Curse! PLEASE DON'T SEND ME BACK TO AZKABAN!

_malfoysenior has left the room._

**lordvoldy: **:sigh: Well, you're still faithful to me, aren't you, Bellatrix?

**bellatrix101: **Why, of course I am, my lord. My very soul belongs to you forever.

**redheadgocannons: **I don't like this chat room, Harry. It's scary.

**bookworm260: **I agree. Let's get out of here.

**gryffindor4eva: **Shh, I'm trying to listen to their secret plans.

**bellatrix101: **As I was saying, I will always be faithful to my lord.

_dementor has entered the room._

**dementor: **:wheezes:

**bellatrix101: **Eeep.

_bellatrix101 has left the room._

**dementor: **:wheezes at gryffindor4eva:

**crookshanks005: **Hiss! Hiss!

**gryffindor4eva: **Okay, we can leave now :O

_redheadgocannons has left the room._

_gryffindor4eva has left the room._

_bookworm260 has left the room._

_crookshanks005 has left the room._

**Gryffindor Common Room**

_redheadgocannons has entered the room._

_gryffindor4eva has entered the room._

_bookworm260 has entered the room._

_crookshanks005 has entered the room._

**gryffindor4eva: **Aah, there's no place like home.

**bookworm260: **I'm tired. It's been _such _a long day… but it was fun. :-)

**crookshanks005: **Hiss! Hiss!

**bookworm260: **Alright, alright, I'll feed you. : feeds crookshanks005 :

**crookshanks005: **: purrs :

**redheadgocannons: **im sleepy. see u guys tomorrow!

_redheadgocannons has left the room._

**bookworm260: **I'm sleepy too. Later, Harry!

_bookworm260 has left the room._

**gryffindor4eva: **Oh, now I'm all alone…

_bellatrix101 has entered the room._

_lordvoldy has entered the room._

_malfoysenior has entered the room._

**bellatrix101: **One… two… three… Avara Kedavra!

**malfoysenior: **Avara Kedavra!

**lordvoldy: **Avara Kedavra!

**gryffindor4eva: **Aaaaaah!

_gryffindor4eva has left the room._

**bellatrix101: **Yes!

**malfoysenior: **Finally, that little brat is dead!

**lordvoldy: **: reverts back to handsome Tom Riddle form :

**The Graveyard**

_gryffindor4eva has entered the room._

**cedriciscool: **Hi harry!

**siriusatlarge: **Harry Potter! Is it really you?

**eccentricalbus: **Harry, I had no idea we would meet again so soon!

**gryffindor4eva: **What the…


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I've _finally _decided to update Hogwarts Online, mmm-kay? Just remember, I am expecting a review for every read! Now, on with the story! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, MSN, etc. etc – you know the drill. Enjoy!**

**Hogwarts Online 2**

**Gryffindor Boy's Dormitory**

_gryffindor4eva has entered the room._

**gryffindor4eva: **Thank goodness, it was all just a horrible dream.

_redhead-go-cannons has entered the room._

_bookworm260 has entered the room. _

_crookshanks005 has entered the room._

**bookworm260: **Good morning Harry.

**redhead-go-cannons: **mornin herminey and harry

**crookshanks005: **:purrs:

**gryffindor4eva: **:looks confuddled:

**bookworm260: **What's wrong?

**redhead-go-cannons: **yah, wats wrong, u look confuddled

**gryffindor4eva: **Oh, nothing much. I just had a dream where Voldemort and the Death Eaters killed me, is all.

**bookworm260: **:gasp: Harry, you should tell Sirius about this! I… I mean Dumbledore. I… I mean… oh, forget it.

**Redhead-go-cannons: **come on guys, we have potions in half an hour

**gryffindor4eva: **Yeah, let's go.

**Potions Classroom**

_redhead-go-cannons has entered the room._

_bookworm260 has entered the room. _

_gryffindor4eva has entered the room._

**greasyhairbignose (Moderator): **Well, well, well. As usual, Potter and Weasley are late for class. Ten points from Gryffindor. As for you, Miss Granger, I would have expected better. You are usually abnormally early.

**bookworm260: **:blushes with embarrassment: Uh… it's not Harry's fault, Professor. He's been having bad dreams.

**malfoyjunior: **Aww, poor little diddums has been having widdle nightmares.

**crabbeandgoyle: **snigger snigger snigger

**greasyhairbignose (Moderator): **That will be enough, Malfoy. Now, who knows the properties of Boomslang skin?

**bookworm260: **:raises hand:

**gryffindor4eva: **:looks confuddled:

**redhead-go-cannons: **:looks confuddled:

**greasyhairbignose (Moderator): **Hmm, who should I choose.

**bookworm260: **:whispers: Oh pick me, teacher, pick me, I'm ever so smart…

**greasyhairbignose (Moderator): **Ten points from Gryffindor for talking in class, Granger. You, Potter. What are the properties of Boomslang skin?

**gryffindor4eva: **Uhm… I'm not really sure, Professor.

**malfoyjunior: **:whispers to Potty: Yeah, he'd better ask the filthy Mudblood.

**bookworm260: **dont do it, harry…

**gryffindor4eva: **:turns Malfoy into a slug:

**malfoyjunior: **ARGH::gurgles: My… my father will hear about this::gurgles::spits slime:

**redhead-go-cannons: **thats bloody brilliant, harry!

**greasyhairbignose (Moderator): **Mr Potter, 100 points from Gryffindor! Take Malfoy to the hospital wing THIS INSTANT! You will be accompanied by Granger, as it was partially her fault…

**bookworm260: **:scowls:

**greasyhairbignose (Moderator): **… and Mr Weasley, for egging Harry on… and Crabbe and Goyle, you go too.

**crabbeandgoyle: **:knock fists: snigger snigger snigger

**redhead-go-cannons: **Eep.

**Hospital Wing**

_redhead-go-cannons has entered the room._

_bookworm260 has entered the room._

_crabbeandgoyle has entered the room._

_malfoyjunior has entered the room._

_gryffindor4eva has entered the room._

**smexynursepomfrey (Moderator): **Quite a nasty bruise you've got there.

**redhead-go-cannons: **inno, it was bloody painful at the time

**smexynursepomfrey (Moderator): **How did you say it happened again?

**redhead-go-cannons: **oh yeh um I fell on the ground

**bookworm260: **… onto a rock. Awful, really. Almost gouged his own eye out.

**crabbeandgoyle: **snigger snigger snigger

**malfoyjunior: **:gurgles:

**smexynursepomfrey (Moderator): **Yes, yes, Mr Malfoy, we'll get to you in a minute. Right now we have a very serious black eye to attend to.

**gryffindor4eva: **Look Madam Pomfrey, I think there's something Crabbe and Goyle need to tell you.

**crabbeandgoyle: **:look threateningly at Potty:

**gryffindor4eva: **If you won't tell her, I will. Crabbe punched Ron in the eye, and Goyle punched Ron in the nose.

**smexynursepomfrey (Moderator): **I will not tolerate this behaviour, boys! 50 points from Slytherin. If I hear of any more violence from either of you, you will be banned from the Hogwarts site _permanently_.

**crabbeandgoyle: **:groan:

**Girl's Bathroom Chat**

_redhead-go-cannons has entered the room._

_bookworm260 has entered the room._

_gryffindor4eva has entered the room._

**moaning-myrtle-is-emo: **:giggles: hello, harry!

**redhead-go-cannons: **thats rite, just ignor ron…

**gryffindor4eva: **Hello, Myrtle. We're looking for undiscovered herbs for our Herbology project, and… well… with all the mould in here, this is a better place to find wildlife than in Hagrid's garden!

**moaning-myrtle-is-emo: **do come and visit sometime, harry…

**redhead-go-cannons: **hey guys, i see this weird blu plant! Whaddya rekon, dya think its bin discuvrd yet?

**bookworm260: **Sorry Ron, that's a Snareus Bluis. A distant relative of the Devil's Snare, this cobalt coloured vine will cause boils to sprout whenever human skin touches it.

**redhead-go-cannons: **woops, too late

**gryffindor4eva: **Oh, Ron. Gross.

**moaning-myrtle-is-emo: **:cackles:

**bookworm260: **This is hopeless. I've found heaps of new plants in Hogwarts, but I wrote reports on them and submitted them to the publishers of _An Encyclopedia of Toadstools. _

**redhead-go-cannons: **typical…

**gryffindor4eva: **Those boils are disgusting. We'd better get them treated.

**bookworm260: **Another day, another trip to the hospital wing. What sad existences we lead.

**Random Hallway Chat**

_redhead-go-cannons has entered the room._

_gryffindor4eva has entered the room._

_crookshanks005 has entered the room._

_bookworm260 has entered the room._

**millie-bulstrode: **Oh look, its mudblood!

**crookshanks005: **Hiss! Hiss!

**pansy4draco:** LOL MILLIE UR LYK SO FUNNI!111!

**bookworm260: **Oh look, it's the purebloods, who judge people by their heritage.

_malfoyjunior has entered the room._

_crabbeandgoyle has entered the room._

**malfoyjunior: **Too right we do.

**crabbeandgoyle: **snigger snigger snigger

**pansy4draco: **OOH DRACO LOOK OVER HERE!111!

**gryffindor4eva: **Haven't you made us miserable enough today? I mean, first you call Hermione a mudblood, then you get Crabbe and Goyle to beat up Ron. What next?

**malfoyjunior: **Well, I believe a little revenge is in order after that _awful _slug incident. :raises wand: Prepare to be terrified. :conjures Dementor:

**gryffindor4eva: **:screams like a girl: Someone, save me from the big scary Dementor::faints:

**malfoyjunior: **:smirks: We don't make fools of you – you all seem to be the do-it-yourself type.

**crabbeandgoyle: **snigger snigger snigger

**pansy4draco: **OH DRACO UR LYK SOOOOOO COOL!11!

**redhead-go-cannons: **its ok harry, ill finish him of::brandishes wand: prepare 2 die, malfoi::casts spell: Avifork::turns into a fork:

**bookworm260: **Oh, Ron. You must have meant Avifors. Allow me to enlighten you. Avifors is a powerful spell which causes the one on the receiving end to be completely obliterated in a dark cloud of crows. However, avifork… well, let's just say that you cast the spell perfectly.

**malfoyjunior: **Well Mudblood, I fear I must bid you goodbye. I have business to attend to.

**pansy4draco:** OOH BUSINESS… DUS IT INVULVE ME!11/

**malfoyjunior: **:sighs: No, Pansy. I have homework.

**pansy4draco: **oh.

**malfoyjunior: **Don't you just hate it when idiots ruin the mood like that?

**crabbeandgoyle: **yeah. snigger snigger snigger

**crookshanks005: **Hiss! Hiss!

_malfoyjunior has left the room._

_crabbeandgoyle has left the room._

**pansy4draco: **:cries: BUT DRAKI-POO DOESNT WUV ME!

**millie-bulstrode: **Its okay Pansy he loves you deep down inside of him.

_pansy4draco has left the room._

_millie-bulstrode has left the room._

**gryffindor4eva: **:regains consciousness:What happened?

**bookworm260: **Oh, nothing much. Malfoy's up to his old tricks again.

**gryffindor4eva: **Where's Ron?

**bookworm260: **He turned into a giant fork.

**gryffindor4eva: **Well, come on, let's go get Ron fixed up.

**bookworm260: **No need. :casts spell: Avorkis Un-forkis!

**redhead-go-cannons: **:turns back into human: gee thanks herminey.

**prof-mcgonagall (Moderator): **What on earth is going on out here? I'm trying to teach first years to turn slugs into glowsticks and it is incredibly difficult with all this noise!

**redhead-go-cannons: **uh well u see i woz trying 2 conjure up a fork and woodnt u noe it I accidentaly turned meself into a fork. Funi eh?

**prof-mcgonagall (Moderator): **Yes… hilarious. But I am afraid that you are going to have to turn yourself into a fork elsewhere, Weasley. You go too, Potter, Granger.

**gryffindor4eva: **Yes Professor Mcgonagall.

**bookworm260: **Of course, Professor.

_bookworm260 has left the room._

_gryffindor4eva has left the room._

_crookshanks005 has left the room._

_redhead-go-cannons has left the room._

Fin

**A/N: Sooo, what did you think? Good? Bad? Delete? (FYI: The latter is not going to happen.) Please review. Suggestions for settings for next chapter welcome. 3 Alex (the author)**


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